About 14 years ago, I was a young Christian passionate about sharing my faith with everyone around me. This is when I met John (name changed), a young American missionary who was my age. John was part of an organization that supported missionaries in the Middle East. We hit it off quickly. After work, I’d meet up with him, we’d talk about life, and he seemed very genuine in being my friend. We had great conversations, shared common interests, and laughed a lot. But as time went on, I realized there was an agenda behind our friendship.
All John cared about was writing a report about how he’d been spending his time “coaching new believers” and “discipling Christians.” I found his newsletter, where he featured his time with me as a time of “impacting Christians in the Middle East.” The disappointment was real, and I found myself questioning his sincerity. There is nothing wrong with coaching and discipling, but making sure your agenda is clear from the start is crucial.
If you want to build friendships in the Middle East—whether to disciple someone, share the gospel, or simply be their friend—you must either do it without an agenda or be transparent about your intentions from the first meeting. Here’s how to cultivate genuine friendships:
1. Be Transparent About Your Intentions
In Middle Eastern culture, trust is built on honesty. If your goal is to mentor or disciple someone, be upfront about it rather than disguising it as mere friendship. Middle Easterners deeply value sincerity, and any sense of hidden motives can quickly break trust.
2. Invest in the Friendship Beyond Your Mission
Relationships in the Middle East are not transactional—they are deeply personal. Spend time together beyond your mission, whether it’s sharing meals, celebrating life events, or simply being there during hardships. Friendships are not just about a goal but about mutual care and support.
3. Give Without Expecting Anything in Return
Hospitality and generosity are cornerstones of Middle Eastern culture. True friendship means giving of your time, support, and kindness freely, without expecting anything in return. If your kindness comes with conditions, people will sense it and may pull away.
4. Be Honest and Vulnerable
Middle Eastern friendships are built on authenticity. Be open about your struggles, joys, and fears. Vulnerability fosters connection and shows that you trust the other person. In turn, create a safe space where your friends feel comfortable sharing their own experiences.
5. Celebrate Others’ Successes and Milestones
A genuine friend rejoices in the victories of others without jealousy or hidden competition. Middle Eastern cultures place high value on communal joy—whether it’s a wedding, a new job, or personal achievements. Show excitement for their successes and be present for important life moments.
6. Respect Cultural and Religious Differences
Friendship in the Middle East often means engaging with people from different backgrounds. Rather than trying to change someone, respect and appreciate their beliefs, customs, and way of life. Learning about their culture and traditions shows deep respect and strengthens the bond.
7. Stay Consistent in Good and Bad Times
Loyalty is a fundamental trait of Middle Eastern friendships. It’s easy to be a friend when everything is going well, but true friendship is tested in difficult times. Be there for your friends when they need you, even when it’s inconvenient. Your reliability will earn their trust and respect.
8. Let Friendships Evolve Naturally
Not every friendship will reach the same depth, and that’s okay. Some people will be lifelong friends, while others will be part of your journey for a season. Middle Easterners value organic relationships—don’t rush or force a friendship; let it develop naturally with time and mutual effort.
Final Thoughts
Building friendships in the Middle East requires intentionality, patience, and authenticity. When you focus on being a true friend rather than what you can gain, you open the door to meaningful, lifelong relationships. The most valuable friendships are those where love, trust, and support flow freely, without hidden motives. By embracing the cultural values of sincerity, generosity, and loyalty, you’ll find that Middle Eastern friendships are some of the most rewarding and enduring relationships you can have.
The Basin and Towel 