“Brother, can you help me? My father kicked me out because I follow Jesus.”
The message came from Ali, a young believer from a strict Muslim background. We had only been meeting for a few weeks. His story was sincere. His need was real. And yet, behind the request was a whole world of complexity that many well-meaning Westerners fail to see.
Do I help him? Will it create dependency? Is it manipulation? Is this the right time?
This moment—when a new believer asks for money—is not just a test of generosity. It’s a moment that can build or break trust, either reinforce a kingdom lifestyle or breed confusion, and either strengthen the church or stunt its growth.
The Cultural Reality Behind the Request
First, understand this: money is never just money in the Middle East. It’s tied to honor, dignity, and survival. In collectivist cultures, finances are relational, not transactional. If someone sees you as their spiritual older brother or sister, their request is not just economic—it’s familial.
What’s more:
- Most new believers lose their safety net. When they choose Christ, they often lose housing, jobs, or access to education.
- Their community may punish them financially, not just socially.
- You may be their only lifeline, and your response shapes how they view the body of Christ.
So yes, sometimes help is absolutely appropriate. But it must be handled wisely.
What You Must Discern First
When that request comes, ask yourself:
- Is this a survival need or a lifestyle preference?
Food, shelter, medicine? That’s one thing. A new phone or relocation to Europe? Different story. - Is this an ongoing pattern or a crisis point?
Is this the third ask in two weeks? Or the first time under clear pressure? - Is their spiritual growth keeping pace with their material need?
Are they being discipled? Are they learning responsibility and stewardship in light of the gospel? - Are you the only one involved?
Isolation in decision-making leads to unhealthy dependence. Bring in local leaders if any exist. If not, start building that community now.
Practical Ways to Respond
Here’s how to walk this out—truthfully, graciously, and strategically:
Validate Their Situation
Start by acknowledging the difficulty. “I see how hard this is. What you’re going through takes courage.” Don’t minimize the cost they’ve paid to follow Christ.
Ask Questions, Not Just for Details, But for Discipleship
- “What options have you considered?”
- “What do you believe God wants to teach you in this situation?”
- “Have you shared this need with anyone else?”
These are not stall tactics. They’re invitations to think spiritually, not just materially.
Offer Relief, Not Rescue
If the need is urgent, do something. But set expectations. Cover rent for one month—not indefinitely. Provide food, not cash. Help write a job CV. Pay for a hospital visit, not a relocation plan.
Compassion without wisdom creates codependence. But discernment without compassion creates legalism.
Include Accountability and Community
Find a way to say: “You’re not alone, but you’re not in charge either.” If you’re in a cross-cultural context, work with local leaders, social workers, or business owners who understand the unspoken dynamics.
What to Avoid at All Costs
- Unconditional, long-term handouts that short-circuit discipleship
- Withholding help while preaching endurance—faith is not a license for neglect
- Assuming they’re manipulating you—suspicion can kill a baby church
- Making help contingent on performance—this turns grace into wages
The Bigger Picture: Finance as Discipleship
Money is one of the most immediate and formative areas of discipleship for MBBs. In Islam, giving is zakat—a legal obligation. In the kingdom of God, giving is generosity flowing from sonship. Most new believers don’t yet have a theology of provision. You are discipling them not just with your Bible studies but with how you respond to their request.
Use these moments to teach:
- God as Provider, not foreign Christians as ATM machines
- The value of work, even when it’s small or humble
- The reality of the Body, where we carry one another’s burdens with dignity
A Final Word: Give Like Jesus Would
Jesus didn’t give everyone what they asked for. But He gave everyone what they needed—compassion, dignity, truth, and often, tangible help. When you’re asked for help, don’t just write a check or quote a verse. Step into the tension. Sit with the person. Let the Holy Spirit guide the response.
You may be the first taste of the Father’s provision they’ve ever known.
The Basin and Towel 