Understanding why people say things they don’t literally mean.
This is one of my favorite topics to discuss with my western friends. A group of missionaries were sharing with me how we need to renounce “the spirit of deception” in the middle eastern culture. As much as I believe there is deception in every culture, I wanted to understand what sparked their comment. So, I asked, what happened? David (yes, the same David from my previous stories) walked up and said, well, an Arab friend I was discipling for the past 10 months, told me, “If you ever need anything, my house is yours.” I took him literally. I imagined knocking on his door in the middle of the night, suitcases in hand, expecting to move in. Of course, that wasn’t his intent. He was simply expressing warmth, generosity, and the deep cultural value of hospitality.
Many Westerners struggle with this aspect of Middle Eastern communication: why do people say things they don’t literally mean? Does it not amount to dishonesty? The answer is found in the way Middle Eastern cultures value relationships over precision, and honor over strict factual accuracy.
The Art of Hyperbole
In the Middle East, speech is often poetic, expressive, and emotionally charged. Exaggeration is a way of reinforcing sincerity, not misleading. My Arab evangelist friend told me that he preached on the streets of Beirut, and so many people came to faith. In reality, it meant that some showed interest. When an Arab mother tells her son, “I’ve told you a thousand times to clean your room!” she isn’t lying—she’s passionately emphasizing the point. Similarly, when a friend declares, “I would die for you,” they are not making a literal vow but expressing deep loyalty.
In Western culture, where precision and factual accuracy are highly valued, such expressions might seem misleading or even deceptive. But in the Middle East, words serve a relational purpose: they are meant to build bridges, convey honor, and communicate deep feelings. It is not about factual correctness—it is about emotional truth.
Case Study: Business Negotiations
Consider the case of a Western businessman negotiating a deal with an Arab partner. The Arab counterpart might say, “This is the best price you will ever get in your life!” The Westerner, used to exact wording, might think this is a guarantee, only to later find out there was still room for negotiation. But from the Middle Eastern perspective, this statement simply means, “I am offering you a very good deal.” It’s not meant to deceive—it’s meant to engage, persuade, and express enthusiasm.
How This Affects Missions Work
For Western missionaries, misunderstanding Middle Eastern communication can lead to frustration and distrust. A local believer may say, “I will come to church every week!” but then miss several services. A friend may say, “I will visit you tomorrow,” but never show up. This is not necessarily dishonesty—it is a cultural way of expressing goodwill and avoiding offense.
In the Middle East, direct refusals can be seen as harsh or impolite. Instead of saying “no,” someone might say, “Inshallah” (God willing) or “Maybe another time.” They are not necessarily lying; they are trying to soften a refusal or maintain harmony.
How to Respond as a Westerner
- Understand Intent – Focus on the heart behind the words rather than just the literal meaning.
- Read Between the Lines – If someone is overly enthusiastic, recognize that it might be a cultural way of expressing warmth, not a firm commitment.
- Adjust Expectations – Don’t assume Western standards of precision apply; instead, appreciate the beauty of expressive communication.
- Clarify Graciously – If commitments are important, follow up gently: “I really value your time—what day do you think will work best?”
Conclusion: A Language of Relationship
Middle Eastern communication is deeply relational. It prioritizes warmth over precision, honor over accuracy, and relationship over rigid honesty. Instead of seeing exaggeration as a problem, Westerners should embrace it as a window into a culture that values expression, hospitality, and emotional depth. When we learn to appreciate this way of speaking, we not only communicate better but also love better.
So the next time someone tells you, “I am the happiest person in the world to meet you!” take a deep breath, smile, and enjoy the beauty of Middle Eastern expression. It’s not about facts—it’s about the heart.
The Basin and Towel 