I will never forget the day I watched a missionary publicly correct a young Muslim man in a crowded café. The missionary, with the best of intentions, pointed out the flaws in the young man’s understanding of Jesus, hoping to spark a deep theological discussion. Instead, the man’s face turned red with shame, his friends averted their eyes, and the entire conversation shut down. What could have been a meaningful dialogue became an awkward silence and a lost opportunity.
In the West, open debate is often seen as a sign of intellectual strength. People value directness, even in disagreement. But in the Middle East, honor and shame shape every interaction. Publicly correcting someone, no matter how wrong they are, is a guaranteed way to shut them down. And for those of us engaging in ministry among Muslims, this principle is crucial. Instead, you should correct them privately.
Honor Is Everything
In Middle Eastern culture, honor is not just personal; it’s communal. A person’s dignity is intertwined with their family, their reputation, and even their tribe. To criticize someone in public is to strip them of their dignity in front of their peers. It’s not just an individual, it’s a public humiliation. This is why Jesus’ way of correcting others was often private, relational, and full of grace.
Consider the woman caught in adultery (John 8). The Pharisees wanted to shame her publicly, but Jesus turned the moment into an act of grace. He didn’t expose her further—He protected her. He spoke in a way that preserved dignity while still addressing the truth. This is our model.
Criticism Hardens, Honor Opens
When you publicly criticize someone, they will instinctively defend themselves, not engage with your point. They may even reject what you’re saying, not because it’s untrue, but because of how it was said. On the other hand, when you correct privately, you show that your goal is restoration, not humiliation.
I once spoke with a young Muslim man who had embraced Christ but struggled with certain Islamic ideas. Rather than publicly pointing out his errors, I invited him to a quiet conversation over tea. In that private space, he felt safe to ask hard questions. By the end of our discussion, he had shifted his perspective, not because I had forced him to, but because honor and respect had opened the door.
How to Correct Without Criticizing
If someone is wrong, how do we engage without causing shame? Here are three key principles:
- Correct in Private: Jesus told us in Matthew 18:15, “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private.” This preserves dignity and allows for real conversation.
- Ask Questions Instead of Making Accusations: Instead of saying, “You’re wrong,” ask, “Have you considered this perspective?” These invites dialogue instead of defense.
- Affirm Before You Challenge: Find common ground and affirm their sincerity before addressing the issue. This builds trust and shows that you care about them as a person, not just about proving a point.
The Bigger Picture: Winning Hearts, Not Arguments
Ultimately, our goal in the ministry is not to win arguments but to win people. If our correction causes unnecessary offense, we have lost the person before they’ve even had a chance to consider the truth. Jesus never shamed people into the Kingdom—He invited them with love and respect.
So, the next time you are tempted to correct someone publicly, stop. Take a step back. Remember that honor matters more than being right. Choose to correct in a way that preserves dignity, builds relationships, and ultimately, points people to Jesus.
The Basin and Towel 