…And Why That’s Not a Bad Thing
In this part of the world, hospitality is an art form—but trust is a fortress. If you’re a foreigner living or serving in the Middle East, odds are, you’re being observed more than you realize. Not in a paranoid sense, but in a deeply cultural one. Relationships here aren’t built overnight—they’re tested, stretched, and proven.
If you’ve ever left a meeting unsure if it went well, or if you’ve felt sudden tension where there was once warmth, it’s possible you’ve just been tested. Don’t panic. That’s part of the process.
1. You’re Asked a “Loaded” Question
Ever been asked, “What do you think of our culture?” or “Why are you really here?” when things were going perfectly fine?
That’s not random. That’s a test.
In Middle Eastern society, direct confrontation is rare. But questions? Questions are how people weigh your depth, your intentions, and your loyalty. A wrong answer won’t always be corrected. It’ll just quietly close doors. The right answer, however, will open hearts.
Pro tip: Respond with humility and honor. Be honest, but always from a posture of deep respect. Saying “I’m still learning” often shows more wisdom than giving a confident critique.
2. You’re Left Out—On Purpose
Suddenly, you’re not invited to that gathering. Or you’re not told about a group decision until after the fact. It stings—but it might be intentional.
Why? To see how you react.
Are you here just for the good times? Do you need to be in control? Are you offended easily? This form of “relational pulling back” is a quiet test of character. And it’s incredibly common.
Pass the test by: Staying consistent, kind, and unshaken. Don’t demand inclusion—demonstrate loyalty. They’re watching to see if you love them even when it’s not convenient.
3. You’re Given Bad Advice
Yes, this happens.
A well-meaning friend might say, “You should say this to the sheikh,” or “Tell your opinion in front of everyone.” It may sound helpful, but behind it is a test—are you socially aware? Do you know the hierarchy? Do you understand the unspoken rules?
It’s rarely malicious—but it is revealing.
Wisdom move: Before acting on advice, quietly verify with a trusted cultural insider. If you don’t have one, find one.
4. You’re Given an “Impossible” Invitation
“You must come to my brother’s wedding—tonight. It’s far away. But you must come.”
This is more than hospitality—it’s a cultural stress test.
The invite is both genuine and revealing. Saying yes earns trust. Saying no? It depends how you decline. If you cancel other plans, you pass. If you make excuses without honoring the invitation, you fail—not morally, but relationally.
Tip: Even if you can’t go, how you say it matters. Thank them profusely, show regret, and offer something in return. People remember your effort, not just your presence.
5. You’re Watched When You’re Weak
Sick? Frustrated? Treated unfairly at a border or checkpoint? That’s when the real test happens.
Will you stay kind when you’re tired? Will you still show respect under pressure? That’s the moment your real message is heard.
In the Middle East, the way you suffer speaks louder than the way you preach.
Why These Tests Matter
Don’t see them as traps—see them as invitations. They’re not trying to make you fail. They’re trying to see who you really are. Because if you pass the tests, the reward is profound:
Trust. Access. Influence.
And once someone here trusts you, you’re no longer a foreigner. You’re family.
Final Thought:
You’re not just being tested. You’re being shaped. These moments form you into someone who carries not just a message, but honor. And that’s what people remember long after you’re gone.
The Basin and Towel 